Tucson has a large bat population. In 2008, there were about 200,000 bats living here. Who knows how many more there are now. Most of them migrate north from Mexico in April and stay until October.
By day, the bats hang out under bridges, emerging en masse at sunset for their nightly feeding frenzy. People gather near the bridges to watch the bats take off. Bat-watching is excellent and cheap entertainment.
Several years ago, a small group of folks in Tucson came up with the slogan, “Keep Tucson Shitty,” in response to Austin’s “Keep Austin Weird.” They did it as a joke, and it was embraced by another faction who were upset about the sudden gentrification of the scrappier parts of downtown. But “Keep Tucson Shitty” never caught on. Too many people were appalled and resented anything resembling a put-down of their beloved “Old Pueblo.”
I can understand why they would be appalled. I love Tucson’s beauty, its character, its blending of cultures, its mountains and sunsets and desert flowers. The last thing we want people to think of when they think of Tucson is excrement.
However, I think I’ve come up with a solution that will satisfy everyone. How about the slogan, “Keep Tucson Batty”? It might just be the compromise this town needs. On the one hand, it lets others know that Tucson’s a nature-loving town that values its bats and supports sustainable lifestyles, while on the other hand it recognizes the scruffiness that sets us apart from Phoenix.
I’ve even written a song (well, the lyrics, anyway) to go with the slogan. It’s sung to the melody of that Cuban classic, “Guantanamera,” with apologies to Jose Martí (Cuba’s national poet who wrote the lyrics originally used in the song).
I call my version “Guano-tanamera.”
Chorus:
Guano-tanamera, don’t step in guano-tanamera
Guano-tanamera, watch out for guano-tanamera
Verse 1:
I am a bat on a mission
For tasty bugs I am wishin’
Rather eat flies than go fishin’
Can’t drive, I don’t have ignition
Can’t fry an egg in the kitchen
But I have perfect night vision
Chorus:
Guano-tanamera, don’t step in guano-tanamera
Guano-tanamera, watch out for guano-tanamera
Verse 2:
We bats cannot go out shopping
For tasty tacos and toppings
That’s why each night without stopping
Out from the bridge we come popping
Over our guano you’ll be hopping
Or all your floors you’ll be mopping
Chorus:
Guano-tanamera, don’t step in guano-tanamera
Guano-tanamera, watch out for guano-tanamera
Verse 3:
Although I look kinda scary
I’m just a little bit hairy
My name’s not Tom, Dick, or Larry
But I can fly like a fairy
Over the town and the dairy
And City Hall where folks marry!
Chorus:
Guano-tanamera, don’t step in guano-tanamera
Guano-tanamera, watch out for guano-tanamera
Chorus:
Guano-tanamera, don’t step in guano-tanamera
Guano-tanamera, watch out for guano-tanamera.
loristory 